ROUTINE

There is this hope and, I guess, ideal that I can get into a nice routine with Elio. Somedays I see one appearing, but then we take a trip, or I try to go do an errand that takes a bit longer and throws things off. We are trying. It seems it would be best for all of us. But there is this funny balance of having a routine and being super flexible (letting go of control). It is a hard thing to do.

I wrote in one of my first entries that I would let go, but it is truly harder than I thought it would be. Adults develop attachments. (Yet we are frustrated when our children get too used to something, like sleeping in our bed.) We want to get things done like we used to get done. We want to stay a part of the busy, over-extended, over-connected world. You know, get something finished. We are, really, just bigger kids. I have to keep remembering that I am getting something done. But really it is a frustrating time and while I do feel guilty admitting that I also do not want to pretend this is a perfect scenario for me. It is wonderful and lovely and may be a perfect scenario, but I may not be seeing it all day, all the time. How is that for trying to be balanced.

So, the photo, it is a nice routine in its own way. Cleaning the bottles and all those pieces. Laying them out, neatly to dry. I have that for now and that too will change. I just may be catching on.